18.08.2025
12.08.2025
i am afraid of the world since i am alone most of the times. my cigarettes are my armour. as i roll the tobacco onto the paper, i feel like i am suiting up in the finest mails. the imprenetrable flesh ables me to talk to stangers, face my emotions, talk about my problems.
08.08.2025
i am losing my mind over this ethel's album especially "Waco, Texas." the last part of the track made me feel seen(?) with the lyrics i included below since im non-binary and with overwhelming emotions.
"cause i'd rather die, than be anything but your girl"
"I never meant to hurt you,
But somehow I knew I would.
Will it be like this forever?
I’d reach into your body,
And fix you if I could.
Will I feel like this forever?
Are you angry?
Do you hate me?
Darling, time may forgive me,
But I won’t"
05.08.2025
i believe that everyone is born with a curse following them to the grave. my curse— and a blessing in a way— is that i will never understand human yet i can understand cats fully as if i am sharing their flesh.
i need to know if there are other ways humans can be as one other than penetrating or holding each other
03.08.2025
i am watching true detective season 1 for the first time. i am noticing a similarity between rustin cohle and shivers from disco elysium. husks of towns blending with the people whilst speaking in riddles
the light reflected from the swaying cds illuminated the phantom at the end of my peripheral with deafening silence
the ravengers— in unison— created the kings messengers sigil to aid the seer for the right path!
some sort of pleasure in this god forsaken earth is youtube. not the apps itself but the people on it. watching people documenting their lives makes me feel like a pervert, some sort of voyeur— in a good way. perhaps one day i shall join the others.
02.08.2025
perhaps life is a poet with us as its stories and gods, the readers!
fingers in clay glove gliding through my eyes without the rest of its arm pointing towards its demise!
my body is heavy. some sort of mechanism to be away from this flesh of its overwhelming emotions would be godly!
i do not have many regrets in life, perhaps due to my mind restricts me to remember anything but one thing that sometimes comes to haunt me is, i lost contact with some of my friends. when i was in a relationship, i had to cut off the people that were the opposite of my sex— at the time, im non-binary now. since we broke up, i regret doing that and if i were to live again; i would do the same thing except cutting off the people that were in my life.
since i have tasted romantic relationship that i have longed for the longest time— even it turned out bad— i am satisfied. having a partner would be amazing, but that would be for another day, as of now, i am only chasing to make friends that could be with me till i grow old and die even if the circle is small.
31.07.2025
happy 10 anniversary to one of my fav albums of all time. i always listen to it during my teenage years— and now— when i was at my lowest thus introduced me to the cathartic side of music. now i mainly listen screamo, post-hardcore etc. luv ya i hate sex.
i love this scent very much. the beautiful citrus suits the weather perfectly in this country, though i hate the very weak longevity and its high price— for its performance.
30.07.2025
someone is playing with the lightwork in the sky and the occasional wind breeze, its ethereal!
